Learning To Accept Differences

Many different types of people seek acceptance in today's society. Although their ways of life are different and too many seem wrong, it is still important to try to understand what drives them to do what they do. One such group is cross-dressers who are also widely known as transvestites. Cross-dressers are a widely misunderstood group and unfortunately are often mistaken for transexuals or homosexuals. The blog "Crossdresser Heaven," was developed by a cross-dressing male with a wife and a family whose goal is to help other people with their struggles while educating the world about cross-dressing. She (the writer of this blog is in fact a transsexual whose goes by the name Vanessa) and many others like her feel the need to cross-dress because they, "feel more comfortable wearing woman’s clothes’” (Vanessa 4). Although many -especially the media- associate cross-dressing with a sexual perversion, for many people the urge to cross-dress has nothing to do with sex and came at an age before before they knew what sex was. Sometimes there is a feeling of sexual excitement, but most men just want to feel and pass as a woman (Vanessa 3,4). One specific blogger who wrote a response to Vanessa’s post shed an interesting light on his cross-dressing experience. He found out that not only does he cross-dress but also his son and his father are cross-dressers (Phil). This raises the interesting question of heredity; the unfortunate truth is that even if this is a hereditary occurrence, many men would never admit to wanting to dress in women’s clothing for fear of being ostracized. Although it feels right, their subconscious tells them that there is something wrong with it.

These are not men (or sometimes women) with gender dysphoria; they do not necessarily want to be the opposite sex or have any problem with their own gender, they just have the urge to wear clothing that is not associated with their sex. I find them to be drastically misunderstood and prejudged. One idea I had not thought of was "cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge to society’s preconceptions about gender" (Marcy). This argument seems to make sense and be very logical. They feel the need to break the barrier and do something unexpected or even something that is widely thought of as wrong. They want to show, if only to themselves- that they do not fit into a nice and tidy category but instead can fit into a variety of categories almost like the story of Baby X. I also think that the idea of heredity is interesting and adds a lot of insight to the subject. Maybe these people are suffering in silence when they could have a family member struggling just as they are. Could it be that the answer to why men cross-dress is in our DNA and is entirely human instead of being thought of as weird or different? The negativity they face causes a tragic internal struggle in which they grapple with whether or not to expose themselves as who they are or suppress their urges to dress in women's clothing and keep this part of their life secret. Personally I believe the most prevalent reason that people cross-dress is simply what feels natural as is said by one blogger, Monica. This bloggers also asks the question why don't non-crossdressers dress like the opposite sex? Any male asked this will answer that it is because he is in fact a man, but so are most crossdressers so this does not make sense. But maybe, cross-dressers are not in fact men, but instead are a varying degree of male and female which means that they are dressing exactly what is right for their "gender" (Monica). 
Cross-dressers are often placed in a group (homosexual or transsexuals) to which they do not belong. The truth is that these words are sometimes used interchangeably. There is a distinct difference that needs to be recognized in order to be understood. . Most have given up the hope of acceptance in most communities and instead seek acceptance only on the Internet and with people who can relate to them. The only way for this group to reach acceptance/understanding is for more people to step forward and tell their stories. This will only occur if society grows more tolerant of different gender associations which will only happen if more people tell their stories. This is a vicious cycle which forces people to suppress their urges and suffer instead in silence. This blog has some very interesting links that helped to clarify some important differences and define the most important terms. Some may do it for comfort, some may do it for the fashion statement, and some may do to break barriers but the one thing that do have in common is that they are looking for one thing from all the people who see them as the walk down the street; acceptance.